Love in a F*cked-Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together

In this inspiring self-help handbook, a trans activist dares us to be the change we want to see--both out in the world, and amongst our closest connections.

Lifelong activist and educator Dean Spade dares us to decide that our interpersonal actions are not separate from our politics of liberation and resistance. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age.

How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems? How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?

Love in a F*cked-Up World is a resounding call to action and a practical manifesto for how to combat cultural scripts and take our relationships into our own hands, preparing us for the work of changing the world.

Dean Spade is the author of Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law and Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (and the next). He has worked for twenty-five years as a leading voice for trans liberation, prison abolition, and mutual aid, and has been interviewed by Bloomberg TV, Democracy Now, the Nation, the Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness podcast, and countless other media outlets. He teaches at the Seattle University School of Law. Find him at deanspade.net.

Praise for Love in a F*cked-Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together:

"Dean Spade is a force, and I was psyched for his latest, which challenges us to put our money where our mouths are in relationships. Spade makes plain the importance of confronting conditioning in love, sex and romance and making way for the revolution(ary) in all our relationships."-- Ms. Magazine

"Dean Spade's Love in a F*cked-Up World is a revolutionary guide for navigating relationships in these challenging times. With unflinching honesty and radical compassion, Spade offers invaluable insights into how dominant cultural scripts shape our connections, providing practical tools for breaking free from harmful relational patterns. I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking to build more authentic, liberating relationships while dismantling oppressive systems. As someone deeply invested in helping people create secure attachments in non-traditional relationships, I'm thrilled to see Spade's intersectional, justice-oriented approach to love and intimacy. This work has the power to transform not just our personal lives but our communities and movements as well."-- Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure and Polywise

"Against the backdrop of societal expectations, Love in a F*cked-Up World offers a beautiful and radical perspective on how to cultivate relationships that are not only fulfilling but also revolutionary. That change our world--and ultimately our earth--at its root. Drawing on decades of leadership in social movements, Dean Spade inextricably links personal healing with collective liberation, encouraging readers to rethink the ways we connect, love, and resist in an increasingly complex world."-- Tourmaline, co-editor of Trap Door: Trans Cultural Production and the Politics of Visibility

"Dean Spade has written a pragmatic, timely book to help us navigate our most intimate relationships with a collective mindset; release romance myths and approach love as a practice; and cultivate discernment and freedom where we are trained towards judgement and ownership. He teaches us with gentle, relatable clarity and questions that allow us to reflect on how we are loving each other in this fucked up gorgeous world, and how to hold on to each other as the changes come."-- adrienne maree brown, author of Loving Corrections, Pleasure Activism, and Emergent Strategy

" Love in a F*cked Up World is the medicine, guidebook, and workshop we need now. This book is full of practical guidance, thought provoking questions to meditate on, and illuminating stories about what it takes to heal and build together. And it does so by refusing to let ourselves off the hook. This is a portal into self and therefore world-transformation. Dean's expertise and care shines through each page and his timing with the publishing of this manifesto is impeccable."-- Chani Nicholas, New York Times-bestselling author of You Were Born for This and co-founder of the CHANI app